Life as Ash

Oops, slap on the wrist for me. It's been AGES again. But the good news is, it's because I've been working full time! I officially got made permanent at OfficeMax last week, I am quite chuffed about that. They are a lovely mob, and it's quite nice to be appreciated for your work. Which is the direct opposite of my last place, the negativity there was off the scale.
The vast majority of the people I was closest to at my old work have quit/gotten fired since I was given the boot, and I'm so glad. It was a bit of a poisonous environment. Everyone seems a whole lot happier. Hurray!

I've been working!!! It's not a permanent gig, but fingers crossed!

I'm working for OfficeMax, which if you're unaware, do office supplies (shock!). They're not a retail outlet or anything, they have contracts with businesses and schools'n' stuff.  It's been going really well so far. I was hired to take over as sales admin chicky, but been doing a lot of PA stuff for the manager as well. Don't really have any idea whwat I'm doing, but am stumbling along, slowly working bits and pieces out.
What I really love is it's so quiet! My old job was full of people yelling at each other all the time and there seemed to be a lot of tension, but this place is a lot more chilled out and laid back. Which is GREAT. It's very relaxed, there's no set lunchtime (I even got to go to a farewell lunch that went for 2 hours last week), the people are (mostly) really lovely.

As I said above it's not permanent, but the job will be getting advertised as a permanent gig, and when I mentioned to the manager that I was planning on applying, he said 'I was hoping you'd say that.' Which sounds pretty cool! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'd really really like to work for them.

I also do the public transportation thing to work some days, which involves first catching a train into the city, then a tram to the suburb I work in, then about a 1.5km walk. So without really trying, I'm getting a 3km walk each day which is great!

It's so nice to be writing about something positive. :)

One of the problems I've discovered about bring unemployed (apart from the complete lack of income factor) is what do you do during the day? When I first lost my job I went to the gym a lot. Then they suddenly went broke & closed down. Of course, I don't have any money to start a new membership elsewhere.
I tend to spend most of my day flitting about online. This does include jobsearching, not just random nonsense =)
I *should* do more housework than I do, but motivation is not a word that features heavily in my vocabulary. The telly rarely gets turned on. In fact, I think I've had it switched on twice in the last month, both times to play Wii. But even that doesn't interest me greatly.
What should I be getting up to? If only I were an artist, I could be creating boatloads of artworks =) Sadly, my artistic talents are, for lack of a better word, scheisse.

Is this entry just a way to kill some time? Highly likely. But at this point, anything goes.

It seems I'm not very vigilant with the regular updates on here. I'm sorry, I'll try to do better.

Today marks the official end of my first semester (sorry, 'study period') of my post-graduate studies. And I'm still feeling a bit clueless. As I've mentioned many times to people, classes are amazing and interesting and fascinating. I come home from class and bore Sam to tears with talk such as 'We discussed this! And then somebody said this! And then we talked about all of this!!' Also, I understand everything being talked about in class. (And I'm not a very scholarly minded person, so this is a big deal.)

But when it comes to writing assignments, I hit a squishy point. None of it seems to come easily. Does this mean I'm not so good at this sort of thing? Or am I just paranoid when it comes to assessments? I've passed everything so far, no amazing marks, but still passing.

I live in constant state of inferiority. I have no idea why, my life is pretty good and people genuinely seem to like me and want to be in my life. But it won't go away argh! I'm not as classy or sophisticated as my Adelaide friends. My Tasmanian friends all have husbands and kids. My online friends are funnier and more intelligent than me. My uni colleagues all have way more experience than me. It goes on and on. Even when I spend time with Sam's family. His parents have phd's and fellowships and professorships(?) coming out of their ears, (his mum was part of the group that created the healthy eating pyramid for pete's sake!) his brother's an international pilot with a gorgeous wife and child on the way. His sister is a PR gun with a lovely husband and super cute girls.. Even alongside Sam I feel unworthy a lot of the time. He's all supersmart and an engineer and... oh you get the idea.

I'm just not feeling like I have a whole lot to be offering these days. I'm unemployed with no prospects looming after four months. (And with a mortgage to pay as well.) My uni course (which I was unsure about doing in the first place) causes me stress. I've been in a relationship 8 and half years and my partner doesn't want to get married anytime soon.

Argh it's hard to be positive at the moment. I should be feeling happy and relaxed that I have a month off uni, but all I can think about it how I should be doing housework and applying for more jobs.

It's such a FFS kind of day. Hopefully I'm not sounding *too* emo.

Started doing some temp work this week for a law firm. Law firms are scary! I've never worked in a place where everything is so technical. I'm constantly convinced I'm going to cock it up. I've also got a job interview today on my lunchbreak. My break is 1 hour long. The interview site is 20 minutes away. Here's hoping I can get the timing right argh!
I STILL haven't gone to see Wolverine. I got scared by all the negative reviews last week, and now Star Trek is out, so I'll go and see that this weekend instead, I'm scared my Wolvereine window of oppotunity has closed. I hope not, I'm still interested in seeing it. When did movie watching become such a complex process? :(
Panic attacks are starting to kick into gear again, which is a mega bummer. They're so totally shit and don't serve any decent purpose. Maybe I should head back to the doctor. (Or maybe I should just remember to take my tablets every day!)

I had a burst of inpsiration today. Perhaps i's a BAD idea if I am mentioning on my resume that I'm currently studying, as opposed to people thinking I'm wanting to better myself. Instead, they're going to figure 'hey, she's going to bail on us in less than 2 years, why bother iring her when we'll have to do it again then'  So it's gone from the resume.
Just had a day and a half of temp work, first time I've worked in almost two months. Felt a bit weird. Had my first major of experience of 'damn Adelaide isn't that big after all', when I walked in and one of my old co-workers was there (This was an office of 6 people.) And she couldn't work out how she knew me at first. Good to see I'm as memorable as ever.
I have 2 assignments due for uni in the next week or 2, unfortunately I don't understand either of them! Luckily we have class next week so I can get a clue. Being a student again is HARD. Will keep plugging away though, the classes are amazingly interesting. I'm not sitting there watching the clock tick by, which is very different to the days of old! I must be growing up. (Maybe not.)